Asteroid Comes Closest It Ever Has To Hitting Earth

November 8. 2011 

Today's my birthday (yay me!) and an asteroid came the closest any of them have to hitting earth and obliterating life as we know it (yea, like totally). Thankfully it didn't, because that would have really messed up my birthday dinner tonight. The asteroid is called 2005 YU55 (but they should have named it after me, you know, like meteorologists do with hurricanes).

Another interesting tidbit - according to the above posted video, the last time an asteroid like this came the closest any of them have to hitting earth in modern times was the year I was born. Freaky, I know (*praying* Jesus, please don't let the asteroid hit me, you can let it hit the peasants, I mean people in Kabbalah, but not me. Amen.). 

These developments regarding the asteroids will totally convince the Hollywood cult Scientology, who reads this website, that I am an alien. Well, technically I am an alien - a legal "alien immigrant" turned citizen. However, I know if I was a real extraterrestrial I'd zap every last one of them in that loonie bin they can a religion, then turn my wrath on Kabbalah. You're welcome, world.