Playboy bunny, Crystal Harris, 25,  has apologized to her former fiancé, Playboy founder, Hugh Heffner, 85, for stating on the Howard Stern radio show, that he is bad in bed, only lasting "two seconds." Ironically, when Heffner was 25, he never publicly dated an 85-year-old woman.

Notice Harris apologized, but she didn't retract her claim and say it was untrue, which still deflates Heffner's projected image as a stud. And really, that's all he was worried about. But truthfully, you can't be a stud at age 85 or you'll need a surgeon to put a new stud in your hip, to piece it back together, after playing around with a frisky 25-year-old. It's better to marry someone closer to your age, increasing the likelihood of compatibility. 

History is on my side in this claim. Think I'm kidding - remember what happened when a 20 something Anna Nicole Smith, married an 80 something J. Howard Marshall in Texas? He died, that's what. It was death by sex. Much like the Heffner/Harris engagement, it was one undertaken for money by the younger party. People should never marry for money (or pose nude in Playboy). 

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