Judiciary Report - Britney Dropped By Lawyer, Manager, Publicist

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Britney Dropped By Lawyer, Manager, Publicist And The Château Marmont

Bodyguard Throws Britney Under The Bus...And Judge Brands Her A Druggie

September 19. 2007

Continuing the mainstream pop culture theme this week ~~actually every week~~ of Being Britney Spears Stinks, she's been dropped by...everybody. Her lawyer, manager, publicist and underwear have left her due to Britney's insane conduct.

Britney was outed this week as a druggie and alcoholic by Commissioner Gordon, who is presiding over the case. She kept lying all year stating she didn't do drugs, humiliating her mother as some liar that put her in rehab for kicks and now the truth has come out.

Her mother put her in rehab because Britney has a problem and she was trying to help her. Gordon ordered that Spears be tested twice a week for drugs and alcohol. He ordered her to get mental counseling as well.

She needs a full battery of psych tests, as the Kabbalah cult she has gotten involved with has destroyed her mind. That's why she can't function anymore. There are many drug abusers and alcoholics in Hollywood, but they don't behave insane like Britney...only the ones in that cult do.

Spears' former manager The Firm: "It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears. We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best."

What he really meant: OK, she's lost the plot and we tried upping her meds, but it didn't work. Britney thought it was a chaser. Yesterday, she even called me and said, "Jeff, I want you to do my weave this week. Make me look like Angelina" and I just lost it and screamed, "I am not a magician, Britney." And that's when I quit.

~~Unbelievable~~ Unbeweavable:

Attorney Gloria Allred's secret witness in the Britney Spears case was the pop tart's former bodyguard, who pretty much put the nail in the coffin, testifying about Britney's drug use, alcohol abuse and constant nudity in front of the kids:

Tony Baretto testified of Britney's plan to have K-Fed bumped off with a Beretta.

Gloria Allred: "Our client was prepared to testify on issues of nudity by Ms Spears, drug use and safety issues involving the children. Today we came to court with a key and secret witness in the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle. Our client's name is Tony Barretto. He was employed as a bodyguard for Ms. Spears from the time she came out of rehab until May 17th."

What she really meant: Britney's booty is in a sling. We have a witness that saw her fly "over the cuckoo's nest" and make a roundtrip.

Gloria Allred: "During that time he was in her home on a full time basis, drove Ms. Spears to various appointments and observed her behavior inside of her home, outside of her home and around her children. He became very concerned about the children and their safety. Though he was reluctant to come forward and become embroiled in her custody dispute he decided to do so because of his concern about the safety and well being of the children. He is a father of young children himself."

What she really meant: she's beaming up in front of the kids so often that the cartels sent her a rewards card with coupons.

BBC: According to Ms Allred, he lost his job because "he didn't hear her when she asked him to pick up her hat".

What they really meant: It was one of the voices in her head that told him to pick up the hat, it just didn't voice the request, but we can't print that.

K-Fed: no she didn't just try to kill a brother. I'm calling the NAACP. Al Sharpton is gonna hear about this.

According to the Daily Mail, "In a further twist to the bitter tug-of-love, Barretto also gave evidence about a planned "hit" on Britney's ex-husband Kevin Federline. FBI and LAPD are investigating reports about a suspected plot to carry out "a contract hit" on Federline."

What they really meant: he married a crazy person and with the sheer level of corruption in the FBI, white celebrities are not brought to justice (click here), and since K-Fed is technically black, Robert Mueller will launch a cover up.

The Daily Australia: "Most recently, the new queen of drama was asked to leave a top hotel after she allegedly smeared five-star food all over her face."

What they really meant: as the phrase goes, she is one taco short of a combination platter.

Chateau Marmont restaurant:

Britney's lawyer that dropped her Laura Wasser: Look, I don't need the wrinkles. I'm trying to stay fly in my shades and this asylum escapee is stressing me out:

Joey Fatone

Joey Fatone formerly of the boyband NSYNC: "It looked like she was really lost. A lot of people really want her to seek help. There's something not right there, something needs to obviously be done before anything tragic happens. She's a great girl. I've known her for many years."

What they really meant: Britney got the crazy.

Producer Timbaland to MTV regarding Britney: "She has no comeback story. That's the problem. She has to have a team. She needs to come back with Justin doing records; [then we'd see headlines like,] 'She went back to her ex and she's making smashes.' [But instead she got] so big-headed and [was] like, 'Screw you, screw you, I don't need nobody. She should humble herself and make a phone call and say, 'I'm sorry.' She knows what she's sorry about," Tim said. "She needs to say, 'I was wrong,' and it'll definitely move forward. ... That's all she has to say."

What he really meant: what is this woman smoking that she is calling a brother back cussing me out when I'm trying to help her with her country self:

Justin Timberlake: I love you big black man. Who needs Britney.