Lindsay Lohan Escapes Criminal Charges After Bribing Assault Victim

March 30. 2011

Lindsay Lohan is 240 24-years-old (yes, really) 

Hollywood druggie and rumhead, Lindsay Lohan, has escaped criminal charges for assault and battery on Betty Ford Clinic rehab worker, Dawn Holland. Police were called when the drunk Kabbalah cult member, Lohan, viciously attacked the rehab worker, after violating the rehabilitation center's rules, in jumping the facility's fence and spending the night at a local bar in California.

LOL!

Holland was offered $10,000 in bribe money from Lohan's family, to not cooperate with the police's investigation into the incident. As a result, this week, the authorities declared there is "insufficient evidence" to pursue a case against the wayward, fallen, former child star. Lohan, whose life is absent of consequences for chronic criminal conduct, shall no doubt celebrate this corrupt victory by getting drunk and high. Keep it up though and one of these days it is going to stick.

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