British footballer, David Beckham, recently sued In Touch magazine and prostitute, Irma Nici, for $25,000,000, charging them with defamation and libel, in claiming he had sexual encounters with hookers in London and New York hotels. Prior to these legal events, mentally imbalanced Kabbalah actor, Ashton Kutcher, 32, threatened to sue Star magazine, for publishing articles stating he cheated on his wife with two women, whilst she was away working.

With all that Bruce Willis alimony money coming in, surely Kutcher and wife, Demi Moore, 47, could scrounge up enough money for a lawsuit against Star magazine, as he previously threatened. So, to borrow from the title of one of Kutcher's stupid films, "Dude, Where's The Lawsuit."

Brittney Jones

Instead of properly addressing the allegations he cheated on his wife, who is 15-years his senior, Kutcher has been babbling nonsense online and engaging in a pathetic Hollywood smear campaign, against one of the women involved in the scandal, Brittney Jones, 26. He has quietly leaked derogatory information on Jones, to different websites, trying to set up an image of a promiscuous, home wrecking trollop, but that's exactly the type of woman that would cheat with a married man, Sherlock.

Demi Moore

Kutcher has embarrassed Moore, who went around bragging about her ability to pull a younger husband, crediting it to her crazy Hollywood beauty regimens. But let's face it, the Judiciary Report is not convinced any woman could tame the average Hollywood actor, as most are without morals and feel the need to sleep with anything walking (male or female).

Star magazine and those affiliated with the scandal, are threatening to release more embarrassing items, regarding Kutcher's affairs, which serves as a prominent reminder, adultery is never a good idea.